My QuitMeter is Gone...

I just removed my QuitMeter, so you know what that means! Yes, I am smoking again. I am thoroughly disgusted and very pissed off at myself. I FEEL LIKE A SUCH A FAILURE!!!! I had to smoke a cig before I sat down to post this...and I stink! My hair, skin, and my breath STINKS! How disgusting! I feel awful and I'm crying as I post this. I was doing SO WELL..for 10 weeks I did not smoke and now, in this last week, I'm back up to a pack a day! I was actually suicidal a few days ago...I AM OK NOW so no need to be alarmed! I'm about to eat dinner and start back on Chantix. I think I understand what happened to me and why I started smoking again. I want to post my thoughts before I start my journey again.

• Compared to other Chantix users, I tolerated it extremely well. Aside from bloating/gas problems, I didn't have any major, life-altering side effects. I had NO cravings whatsoever! I have a few minor thoughts of smoking, but aside from that, I did not want to smoke. Some days, especially when I didn't eat when taking my pill, I felt nauseous and the gastro problems were annoying, but not so bad to make me stop taking it...but that was month 1 and 2. Those first 2 months were soooo easy! I even posted that it was too easy for me, that it could not be this easy... well, perhaps I jinxed myself. I picked up my 3rd and last box of Chantix (I was on the 3 month program) and for whatever reason, I no longer tolerated it so well. The gastro problems got sooo bad that I could not function normally. I was missing days at work and not eating because my stomach was all messed up. Ok, thank goodness the first 2 months weren't like that or I wouldn't have made it to the 3rd month. So, bottom line, I got tired of being sick and i got COCKY! I figured, hey, I've been doing extremely well...I don't need this anymore! I only stopped 2 weeks earlier than my prescribed program (I stopped at week 10, instead of week 12 and I did NOT taper off). I just got tired of being sick and I just stopped taking the Chantix.
  
  
• The week I quit Chantix, my best friend's mom died suddenly. I was feeling edgy, but I did not smoke throughout that time...but, last week, I got a call from Chicago - one of my brother's had died unexpectedly! In the span of 2 weeks, I attended 2 funerals...one of a woman very dear to me and one of my baby brother! I simply did not have the energy to fight The Evil Addict! Actually, I did NOT have a craving to smoke, at least not a physical craving...I just felt I had to DO SOMETHING to calm down and to not think. I was in such pain, I simply did not want to FEEL anything. Also, in some perverse way, I think I was attempting a slow type of suicide, to continue the slow death that smoking inevitably brings. My brother never smoked a day in his life...so why, should I, the older sibling, a NICOTINE ADDICT deserve to live? I was, and excuse my language, F'd up in the head those first few days after his death and funeral. I am ok now and ready to fight The Evil Addict again.
  
  
• Having said all that, here is my opinion of Chantix: IT WORKS! IT DID HELP ME QUIT SMOKING and as long as I'm on it, I have no desire to smoke. I've read where some of you were prescribed for 6 months, I was only prescribed for 3 months...perhaps I need another full 3 months, but for now, I have enough left to get me through a month (I'm only going to take 1mg a day by splitting my pills in half...I have enough to be on it for another full month... if that doesn't work, I will ask my Dr. for another 3-month prescription).
  
  
• Chantix, as wonderful as it is, is NOT a miracle pill. At some point, you have to stop taking it and the decision to remain smoke-free is up to you. I have more to say, but honestly, I'm tired and I'm hungry and I'm going to go eat a very late dinner and start back on Chantix.

I don't have the energy or will to proof this post, so I hope I'm not rambling too much with too many typos...if so, I apologize, I'll re-read tomorrow and clean it up it I have to.

Chantix Day 60 - Quit Day 53

Haven't been posting lately because my best friend's mom died and I've been spending all my time with my friend. This is just a quick post to say I'm still here and I'm still SMOKE-FREE for 8 weeks now! Yaaay!!!!

I'll post more and catch up with everybody this weekend. In the meantime, to answer Maggie's question: How's that last box of Chantix treating you? It's treating me about the same, pretty good, except the gastro issues are worse than ever!! Some days it's so bad, I can barely eat! And that is definitely not a good thing when I can't smoke or EAT-- talk about a day from hell!!! Luckily, I've only had a couple of really bad days like that and hopefully, in these last few weeks, I won't have many more!

I hope everyone's quit is going well!

Chantix Day 57 - Quit Day 50

Wow! It's been 7 weeks since I kicked The Evil Addict to the curb!!! Yaaay!

I'm feeling good and I don't really have anything new to post. Everything is about the same as last week's post, except I got some Gas-X and things are a lot better in that department :-) I did have an urge yesterday when I got home from work and pulled into the garage (my old smoking ground when the weather was too bad to smoke outside on the deck). I wouldn't call it a craving, but it was more than just a thought this time, so "urge" is a good word...it's what Maggie would call a tugging. Anyway, I told myself: "NO! I'm a non-smoker now!" and eventually, the urge went away...it only lasted a few minutes, less than five.

Other that that, my journey is still going well and it's still pretty easy for me (so far). Today is the day I'm due to refill my 3rd, and final, box of Chantix. Earlier in the week, I was debating whether I should refill it or not. I've missed several doses in month 2 and I never noticed a difference, so I was thinking maybe I'm ready to do this on my own. Well, that may be true, I might be ready, but I've decided to stick with my original plan and do the entire 12 weeks...so, I'll be ordering my refill here any minute. I do plan to taper off, so I'm going to sit down today and work on my tapering schedule.

Have a great weekend and continued success to all us quitters!!!

Chantix Day 50 - Quit Day 43

This morning when I took my pill, I had to open the last card in my month 2 box! What that means is that before next Saturday, I have to get a refill...and that refill will be my 3rd, and final, box of Chantix . Yaaay!!!

Wow! I can't believe how time has flown by since I took that first pill. I also can't believe how easy it's been (so far). Yes, my quit is still very easy, waaay too easy...so much so, I'm starting to get worried about life after Chantix, but I'll deal with that then...for now, I'm grateful to be having such an easy ride. I can say, without a doubt, Chantix works (for me).

As for side-effects this past week, they're about the same:

• NO cravings
• NO nausea
• Gas & bloating are worse, used to last only 20 minutes or so in the a.m., but now some days it lasts most of the day! Tracee suggested Gas-X , think I'll pick some up tonight.
  
• Still having "Chantix" dreams, but they're not as vivid as they used to be :-( They're still wild & crazy and entertaining, but I don't seem to remember all details like I used to.

I'm still dealing with sinus/allergy issues and taking more meds than I care to take, but they seem to be helping, so I'll keep taking them for now. Other than that, I am feeling pretty good and very PROUD of myself. I AM a NON-SMOKER!!!

I hope everybody is doing well with their quit or their soon-to-be-quit!! Hang in there and keep up the good work!

Chantix 43 - Quit Day 36

It's been 6 weeks since I started Chantix. Wow, that means I'm half-way through the program! YAAAY!!!

Still doing great! Zero cravings and no major side-effects (I still have some bloating/gas most days and I'm still having my wonderful Chantix dreams every night :-) but that's it! No new side-effects/problems to report. For me, this is still waaay too easy and I'm loving it! Continued success to all us quitters!

Chantix Day 39 - Quit Day 32

I just looked down at the calendar on my desk, for the umpteenth time today, and I just realized what the date is: September 25! My quit day was August 25, so I guess that makes today my ONE MONTH anniversary!!! Yaaay! I'm still doing great and it's still been an easy journey for me so far. Amazing!!! Thanks to everybody for all your support and I wish you all continued success on your quit.

Chantix Day 36 - Quit Day 29

I've been smoke-free for 4 WEEKS and I'm feeling great!!!! No nausea, no cravings, no Chantix-related problems at all. My only side effects are mild bloating/gas and vivid dreams.

My Chantix dreams are wild, crazy, and funny...nothing like some of the scary, psychotic dreams that I've heard some Chantix users have! My dreams have all been entertaining, like watching a movie. The only "bad" thing I can say is that the dreams are so real, it sometimes takes me several minutes after waking up to figure out that what I just went through was a dream and now I'm awake. But then, I've always had dreams like that, even before I took Chantix... the only difference now is that I dream every night and I remember all my dreams, down to the tiniest details! And hey, that's not bad, at all! I'm ok with that! Most nights, I look forward to going to bed because I know some exciting adventure awaits me! :-)

Hope everybody else is doing well with their quit. Continued success to us all!